Not Just His Wife came to me in 2013 after getting married to my husband, David. Honestly, the idea manifested out of fear, a fear of losing myself. Actually continuing to lose myself because I was already “lost” but didn’t realize it at the time. I knew that there was a great calling on David’s life. Even though he wasn’t pursing his purpose, I didn’t want to get swallowed up in it and I knew I was called to do great things as well. But I didn’t want to end up only using my gifts to help him pursue his purpose. I wanted to help myself and others too. At the time, I didn’t know what direction to go in with Not Just His Wife. Although, I am into design and marketing, I couldn’t come up with a branding concept that I really loved.
Fast forward to 2016, ideas started to flow. We talked about starting a YouTube channel to vlog about our life. He would also his own channel for his poetry and I would have mine for lifestyle things. I wanted Not Just His Wife to be lifestyle blog; allowing people to join me on my journey of being more than just his wife. Navigating through life with the many titles that I had while trying to accomplish goals, fulfill my purpose and enjoying life.
I came up with a color scheme, logo, business cards, created my blog website, and created all my social media profiles and templates for content.
Now what? I had to write. Many people don’t know, but I’ve always been a writer. So I already had plenty of stuff to throw out there. But I wanted things to make sense, be perfect and relevant. I didn’t create a business plan, which I also knew how to do back then, which probably would have made it a lot easier to focus and create content that aligned with my vision. But that was the thing! My vision still wasn’t clear! A few months went by and life really was taking a toll on me, so I decided I needed make a change to better myself and to release my thoughts by writing. So I came up with categories to narrow down my blog content and I began writing.
And here comes fear again! Writing a lifestyle blog sounds simple right? It is, however I wanted my blog to be authentic, honest and real. No holding back because in a sense writing is my therapy. But this would be for the world to see. I started second guessing my thoughts like, should I really write this? What will they think of me? How will they feel? I’m telling their business too. Should I talk to them about this before I post it? Am I even ready to release this myself? I kept writing but I wasn’t posting anything on my website or social media platforms because I wasn’t ready to put it all out there. Sharing my life affected so many other people and I wasn’t sure if I wanted people to know all of anything, yet.
Fast forward to today, January 26, 2019! I just took a deep breath after typing that. It’s time! No holding back. I’m going all the way in. Pushing through fear, insecurities and doubt. So many things have been spoken to me about this year being the greatest year of my life. When I turned 30 in September of 2018, I declared that my year of being 30 would be full of doing things to become the woman God has called me to be. Not Just His Wife wasn’t even really a thought or on my list of things to do but I did want to write more. There was no longer a fear of what will people would think, say or feel because I didn’t plan on allowing anybody to read what I was writing until it was published in my books.
But God obviously has a different plan. He said to write and write now! Don’t worry about anything, just write and get it out. So that’s what I am doing. Of course, I had already been writing a lot of stuff over the years, but these last few months of being 30 has been everything that has been prophesied to me and more. It wasn’t until a few days ago that he said to put all of this into Not Just His Wife. So now, here I am writing this. And he said all the other ideas he had given to me about events and my bucket list for this year, to do for Not Just His Wife too.
Now to be real with y’all, I’m laughing at God and questioning him at the same time like…
Now you decide to give me clarity for Not Just His Wife? Now?
This was “crazy” to me because my husband and I have been separated for about 3 months.
But he said yes, trust me!
I’ve been getting an overflow of ideas for posts, events, podcast episodes, conferences, and resources. Things that he spoke to me about years and in these recent months, he keeps saying do that with Not Just His Wife. It had already been spoken to me by several people years ago that I would be ministering to women and men about many things, marriage specifically, with my husband. At the time I’m like… Me? What? How? Why? I don’t even like talking much. But here we are! I don’t have to actually talk to y’all!
So after all that what is Not Just His Wife about?
For so many years I allowed my past and present hurt, insecurities and doubt hinder me from doing so many things. I was miserable, and didn’t even realize it. Then when I did I couldn’t pin point why? When did it start? What happen? Who did what? What did I do? Who have I become? I’d become a person that I did not want to be. Someone I didn’t really like, let alone love, but I was expecting people to love and accept me!
As I approached 30 a few months ago, I cried out to God and asked him to help me. Really not knowing what to do or where to start other than to seek him for my healing. I remember saying to God that I don’t know how I’m going to heal in the same environment that I’m being hurt. And that’s when everything started to shift and my healing truly began. Sometimes God needs “break” you to build you back up better than you were.
More than likely it will be in ways that you may not like and you may even feel like you’re dying or that you’d rather be dead than go through what you’re going through. Because I did! But know that God is with you. He is in control. Trust him!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
As I’m healing… I’m at the point where I want to help other women. I always have but now I’m really like… Lord use me for real. How ever you see fit. I want every area of my life to glorify you! And although I’m still a work in progress, as Sarah Jakes said “HIS work is excellent!”
So I’m here to share my life – my experiences, my wisdom, my wins, my losses, my resources and even all of my mistakes to help other women.
Whether you’re struggling as a wife, a mother or just as a woman trying to figure out life, birth a business or ministry, advance in your career, become financially stable, get in shape or closer to God… something is here for you!
Being a “good” wife takes a lot of preparation. Preparation that I didn’t take and had no real understanding of when I got married at 25. But really most of the preparation is a part of you developing yourself as a woman. Whether you’re single or married… you will not be and are Not Just His Wife.
Not Just His Wife is an organization, a community, a platform that allows me to share my experiences and resources to help women become the woman that God’s has called you to be, regardless if you are preparing to be a wife or not or you already are in the mist of being one .
God wants us prosperous in every area of our lives…
And if we’re struggling in these areas, chances are we’re going to struggle as being a wife as well.
We have to remember that we are God’s daughter first and he wants us to be all that he has created us to be.
- Don’t get lost in your hurt, hindered by insecurities or give in to doubt.
- Seek God for your healing. Read His Word. Pray, pray and pray some more. Worship him. Align yourself with women of wisdom to encourage and hold you accountable.
- Connect with other women that are going through. Don’t wait until you’re out of your valley or “have it all together”. Help each other get through and fulfill your purposes!
This is just the beginning. Don’t give up!