Ask and I Shall Receive

Ask and I Shall Receive

I don’t know why this is so shocking.
Ask and you shall receive.
I prayed and I prayed.
And for a minute I thought you forgot about me…
But I believe my answer is here and now I’m wishing that I also prayed for how to deal.
Cause lord I don’t even know where to start with this healing.
Forgiveness isn’t easy.
But you know I’ve been trying really hard.
But it’s like its one thing after another. As soon as I let go here come some other bullshit messing up the flow.
You’re probably the only man that I know that really knows how to love. And I say this because…
From the beginning of my existence something has always been missing.
You know the story.
Self-control. Not caring it’s his own daughter that he just can’t leave alone.
Maturity. Not knowing the significance of a hug let alone being ready to love.
Security. Not believing that I could really only want him.
Respect. Making a fool out of me by encouraging me to befriend the person you tried to play me with.
Trust. Till this day I still don’t know his real age.
Forgiveness. Not able to let go of the hurt from past relationships.
Equality. We both know double standards don’t sit well with me.
Spiritually. Lord I believe you threw that one in there to get me ready.
I sought after you and you began to give me the desires of my heart but then I lost focus and now I’m hurting…
Because now its honesty plus all of that and a bunch of other things.
Don’t get me wrong we both know I’m no expert with love.
But I do know difference between right and wrong. Truth and lies.
Even after all this I’m not bitter. Nor am I man basher. And I haven’t decided to cross over and only be with woman.
I’m just hurt and in need of major healing…
But wait I still want love from a man but now there are just so many stipulations.
Like… I gotta be able to talk to him about anything.
And he has to display the power of prayer because that’s a struggle for me.
I want him to know me better than I know myself.
And if I’m feeling weak he’s gotta give me some strength.
He has to be able to forgive and not continue to hold things against me.
Patient enough to stick by me even with I don’t believe.
Honest with a pure heart and a reflection of me.
He’s gotta be a leader because often I lose my way.
And a provider ready to do anything to support his family.
He’s gotta know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and able to uplift me.
Rather than constantly point out my flaws and enhance my insecurities.
A passionate lover willing to help me let go of me fears.
I mean I could probably go on for days…
But most importantly…
He has to be a man with a vision.
A true example of an smg. {sexy man of god}
Someone I can really believe in.
And although I would enjoy a nice gifts from time to time…
I don’t need them.
But Lord I’m afraid that there is no man like this out there for me.
Remember that day I met him?
I swore you spoke to me…
And showed me a glimpse of what real love is supposed to be.
Maybe that was just a test to see if I was ready?
Apparently I failed…
I pray you give me a chance for a retake.
But first I need to rebuild my faith.
This is that start of me keeping my promise not to stray anymore.
I’m committing myself to you and not to them, like before.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.