I’m Going Through My Own Shit

I’m Going Through My Own Shit

I’m not “the most spiritual person”. I don’t know scriptures and verses off the top of my head sometimes and like most people, I have not read the Bible cover to cover. However, I do have relationship with God, Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior! And I am spirit lead.

I’m really accepting my calling to minister and acknowledging my purpose. I’ve been praying to God over these last few months, asking him use me however he sees fit. Whatever he wants me to say, I’ll say. Whatever he wants me to do, I’ll do. Just help me through with boldness and wisdom, and free me from anxiety and fear.

So few weeks ago a friend of mine connected me with a friend of hers that has been going through similar situations that I have “dealt” with and some that I am still dealing with. She wanted me to talk to her… “minister to her” is what she actually said.

And I was “terrified”! I remember my immediate thought was, “I’m still going through my own shit”. And this day was actually a rough day for me. But I told her to give her my number and I prayed something like… Lord, allow the Holy Spirit to speak through me. I don’t want to say anything that is not from you, that is based on my current emotions or past experiences.

Just based off what my friend had told me, my initial thoughts were “Leave and show him that you’re not going to continue to accept this behavior.” But if she’s gonna stay, I suggested that she start reading Marriage on the Rock by Jimmy Evans, specifically the “Building Alone” chapter. This what I’m saying to my friend. But that was from my experience and present emotions. It’s sounded like good logical advice though right?

So she end up introducing us in a group text. We both said “Hey” and that was that. Mind you, I’m really scared to talk to this woman because I remember when I was where she was feeling defeated, confused, emotionally exhausted and just searching for some type of hope from someone that could actually relate. In my mind though back then, the hope I wanted was that my husband is going to change and we’re going to be okay. When I really should of just been working on myself, praying for my husband and that we would be okay.

But I didn’t know what to say to her. I didn’t want to give her hope in anything because I had no clue what God’s plan is for her and/or her husband. I didn’t want no part of telling her to do or say something out my own emotions. So I didn’t say anything else to her.

A hour or so later I felt lead to share with her the link to a devotional that I had just started a few weeks before that was called 40 Days of Prayers for Your Marriage by Gloryanna Boge. I also told her to get Marriage on the Rock by Jimmy Evans and sent her the link to start reading the sample in the meantime.

Then I went on about my day and was reading one of my devotionals on the Bible app a few hours later and her name came to my mind. It was literally like God said her name to me and I just started crying out of no where, uncontrollably and prayed for her.

And then told her what God said to me!

I texted her…

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:8-9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Which was actually the scripture related to the devotional I was reading and I also said…

“Lord I lift … up to you right now. Calm her spirit. Soothe her heart! We know you are with her and working it all out for her good. Strengthen her body whenever she feels weak. Use me however you see fit to encourage her even as I’m still going through myself. You are a way maker… a miracle worker… God of the impossible. You can do all and any thing! Thank you for peace and joy as we let go and trust you to do you!

I’m sorry I “can’t” talk. God has really been dealing with me today. Your name came to my mind as I was doing my devotionals just now… and out of no where I just began to cry. Cry out to God for you. Be encouraged right now! God sees you… he knows what you need and he got it!”

And she said…

“Oh my thank you sooo much!!! I really needed this!!! 😭😭😭” As I told her these things, I felt a release from my spirit. I’ve never experienced something like that. And it gave me peace. Later that night I sent her a YouTube video called Don’t Become A Victim by Dan Mohler that I had just watched.

And she said…

“Wow. This just completely set me free. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much you have helped me. I just wanted to encourage you to not get weary in well doing because in due season you will reap if you faint not!”

I said all this to say… Don’t be afraid! Be willing. A willing vessel to allow God to use you. Everybody is called to minister in some capacity. I was ministering her and then she ended up encouraging me! Whatever he wants you to say or do, he will tell you. You just have to be open to receive it and Him. And then be obedient! ​

5 comments

  1. this was beautiful… I totally feel u and respect that we are all going through our “own shit”. I love that u took a second and paused to let Him speak through u instead of your own history and emotions. I am currently working on me too and damn it’s hard when we are trying to keep
    our husbands happy as well . how did you decide who to put first or was it that you worked on both at the same time? I have never been a spiritual person because sometimes I feel like my problems were caused by my own. poor choices how dare I pray to God to fix them. Have you ever felt this way? How did you get past it?

  2. wow awesome! you are an anointed intercessor for sure. keep walking in obedience. this encouraged me in my situation as well

  3. an Dan Mohler video, let’s talk about how he smooth ripped the bandaid off no warning in 60 seconds of listening!!!!!!! straight deliverance, like Sir!!!!

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